Dear Mr. Wiseau,
Usually I start letters off with a few witty remarks and an overview of what it's regarding, before leading into the meat of it. Yeah, I'm just going to dive right into this one.
First off, where did you get the 7-million dollars that was the budget for 'The Room'? Can we even call that a 'budget'? How did you even blow through that much on a movie that was, for the most part, shot in the same living room? It clearly wasn't spent on Lisa's make-up and wardrobe; I'm sure you cleaned house at Wal-Mart on every hooker shade eyeshadow and cheap red lipstick under $2. I would love to touch on the horrible acting in the film, but it's such an obvious topic, that I'm going to bypass it completely. I can't even fathom why you would cast these people. At best, Mark's character served as eye candy, and mother was quite entertaining. At worst, we had the sex scenes, which were like watching paint dry. I would like to know if at any point during filming or post-production, you genuinely sat back and said to yourself "Brilliant!"
My biggest issue is that you have the audacity to continue to produce/direct other films. Did you not learn your lesson? And making a documentary about homelessness in America. Let's leave the philanthropy to creative types that the media actually gives a shit about. I read online in a recent interview that you are interested in creating a movie about the life of Heath Leger. How about you DON'T do that? I don't see it ending well for any parties involved, particularly yours.
Lastly, I'm going to end this letter the most shallow way imaginable. You are so unfortunate looking, I can barely stand looking at you. You look like you have serious vitamin D deficiency. Wait, do you? Cut your hair, and then give it a wash. Stop wearing sleeveless t-shirts; it's tacky, and your arms are 87% veins. I don't even know what's going on with your skin, but you need to see a dermatologist.
Pull your shit together, Tommy. You're 41-years-old for goodness sakes.
Sincerely yours,
Amanda
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