17A. Losing touch

Sup? I'm writing to you from home. Home as in Sudbury, Ontario. I used to want to set this town on fire. And while I still have a bit of animosity towards it, it's when I don't live here that I use it as a place of refuge from my 'real life'. It's like a vacation; I'm drinking my coffee, typing away on mother's laptop, there's a wonderful summer breeze coming through the open window, and I have the coolest cat ever, Bono, sitting right beside me. It's visits like this I can't really fathom why I moved away.

Usually I only visit home on the holidays, as it is six hours away from Ottawa. However, there is a motive for this visit, and for you my readers, I will lay the cards out on the table. I had a complete meltdown. I really have no problem saying it. If Matt Good can go publicly about being bipolar, I think I can admit to a quater-life crisis, particularly since I believe many of those my age are in the same boat, the S.S. Fuck My Life. I saw it coming. Things have not been good for a couple weeks; I currently have no job, I'm weighing my academic options, my family is far away. And while my friends and roommates in Ottawa are great, they're not the friends I have back home who I grew up with. Anyways, the past few weeks climaxed on Monday, and I felt an anxiety that I had only ever felt once before. I cried for hours in bed, until the point that my nerves made me physically ill. That was the moment that I pulled myself together, called my mother, and told her I was coming home. Anyone who argues a mother's instinct is an idiot. I have a lot of decisions to make, and I think being home and surrounded by those who love me unconditionally will allow me to think more clearly.

I'm currently reading this book called 'all families are psychotic' by Douglas Coupland. After reading 'JPod' I really thought I wasn't a fan of Coupland's, but the title caught my eye, and I grabbed it from my roommates bookshelf. Hilarious. I'm only halfway through, and I can honestly say that I have never laughed harder reading any other novel, which says a lot, because Vonnegut usually brings me to tears. Basically, the book is about the most disfunctional family you could ever possibly imagine. I would actually say they are far more fucked than the Bluths. The further you get into the book, more things about the family are exposed, and you realize how crazy they really are. Anyways, my favorite character is one of the sons Bryan, who is absolutely neurotic. Minus his depression and his attempt to kill himself on three different occassions, I will make another 'Arrested Development' reference, and compare him to Buster. Just wild. His one-liners kill me, and I'm actually bookmarking my favorite moments and quotes of his so that I can blog them all at a later date.

This is where I will leave off. There's really nothing to accomplish today, but I feel like I can find something to accomplish. Like working on my tan. oijgiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii --> oh hey Bono. He sends his love as well.

xo,
- A.