8A. Dead End Girl

I have been avoiding getting out of bed and starting my day for about an hour. I get easily distracted sometimes, and that 'Next blog >>' button at the top of the page has become my motivations enemy. Doing so, I would say that I have come across at least five blogs which were documenting the preperation of a couple's wedding. I used to think I didn't believe in marriage. However, I'm slowly starting to realize that I actually have no problem with marriage, but that weddings themselves, and the thought of me ever having to go through the trouble of one, makes me sick. I don't have a bride gene. I don't have the ability to care what table arrangements to have, or making sure that no one else wears white besides me. It just seems so obscure, and I feel like the entire circus that is a wedding takes away from the marriage apect of the whole thing.

The above is one of the many things I concern myself with that I shouldn't. I think way too much about the future, and what it's going to hand to me, and how the decisions I make now will shape what is to come. I would say I spend 75% of my time worrying, and I have an hole in my stomach as a door prize. To be fair, I would say that my close friends are in the same boat; we're all turning 25 this year, hitting that "what the fuck are we going to do?" quarter-life crisis. My worrying is something that Patrick scolds me about regularly. I would say that for the most part, he and I are extremely similar in many respects. But when it comes to life's lemons, Patrick makes lemonade, while I spend days and months wondering what to do with these lemons. This is one of my favorite things about him, and a large reason why, over the past couple of months, he has become one of my favorite people to talk to (when we're not yelling at each other...and I write that with a huge smile on my face.) I would say that since moving back to Ottawa last year, I have actually gotten a lot better, and my anxiety about life has actually been taken down a few notches. I think maybe once I get my shit together more, I'll feel a lot better.

That being said, I have a job interview today. It's for an administrative assistant position. I have never held any administrative position before, so I think there has to be a lot of charisma used during this interview. As always, I'm mostly concerned about what look to wear. I've decided to wear my hair up. I feel that's very administrative like. Pointy-toed flats. It's a female interviewing me, so I can forget being cute. I guess I should go shower.

- A.